...so I'm basically paying for the state services Grandma gets. Right now she's getting a rental stair-chair.
Total lottery investment- $10. Winnings $0.
C'est la vie!
I was in a crap mood yesterday. Nothing was bothering me per say- just all around annoyed. Annoyed I wasn't rich, annoyed I had nothing to wear (seriously, what did I wear to work before I was pregnant?), annoyed there isn't an easier way to start my new business, annoyed at cat hair smashed into our rug in the living room, annoyed at my own advice to keep my place clean...you get the point. So I decided to add fuel to the flame by deciding that yesterday was the day I was trying to eat a little less since I wasn't pleased with how much I ate this weekend...so I think that may have had something to do with it all. I tried to right the situation at 9pm with a pulled pork sammich. Sorta worked. Sorta gave me pork burps. Mmmmmmmmm, pork burps.
Great news- last night was night three of BB sleeping in his crib-what a good little boy. Man, he's got the life. I didn't have a turtle star projector for the ceiling when I was a kid. I had to climb up there, take my New Kids posters down (yup- Joey McIntyre right above my bed), put up the plastic stars with that clay adhesive that teachers use, get them all glowed up with my 60 Watts and then shut the lights off to observe. I'm convinced this constellation turtle is the invention of some pissed off home owner after seeing the MESS these stars made.
Notes I need to send out into the Universe:
1. I need my spare "bedroom" staged. This includes the need for a cheap as dirt/free futon.
2. An easy how to guide to make video podcasts and how to upload them/sell them on a website.
3. To become insanely rich.
Unsolicited advice of the day- I had a good one for yesterday (but see above- it would've been more about me cursing up a storm or feeling sorry for myself):
1. Feng Shui your office so you can look out the window. Do you know I spent and ENTIRE YEAR with my back to the window? I have an office with a view and I kept my back to it. I felt better the instant I sat down- it also made the joint look HUGE. Double word score.
2. Stop being "polite" on the open road.
I nearly TBoned an old man yesterday. Scene: I left a courtesy space between me and the car in front of me- the traffic was a little backed up and I was next in line for the intersection- it's less of a courtesy and more of it being the law. Bygones. SOOOO- the old dude who was turning in front of me thought it was a good idea to wave and thank me by locking eyes and mouthing an exaggerated "THANK YOU" nearly hitting the car in front of him and taking an extra three sections (which seemed like at least 30) because he really wasn't able to navigate his town car with one hand waiving furiously in the air. It also took a little longer because he was confused why I started yelling at him since he was taking so long- so he started rubbernecking in my general direction...so I shook my fist at him. I'm a mess...but...
KEEP YOUR MITTS ON THE WHEEL, DUDE!
Seriously. You're going to cause an accident!! This is why I RARELY wave or use gestures to other drivers at intersections. Too often, they could be misconstrued for something else. Like...
...the It's Not You, It's Me: you think I'm waving you on to go when in reality, I'm just trying to get a bee out of the car, then we....
...get to the Sitcom or the Dancer: I wave, then you wave at nearly the same time, we both start tapping on the gas at the same time, then jam on the breaks and laugh at our confusion, repeat.
If I'm not in the mood to deal with your BS, I'll be the Air Traffic Controller: I put on my aviator sunglasses and just start pointing and directing traffic- point, then direct. When other motorist try to advance out of turn I blow my whistle and put up the hand.
Todd's new move is what I like to call the Winner: two motorists get to the intersection at the same time and he taps on the break for ONE SECOND then floors the gas and just screams "I win!!!" and bolts into the intersection. The first time he did this I pissed my panties. (and I hate saying panties.) If there's one sure thing I like about this is that everything on the road is a competition- the other guy at the intersection just didn't he was playing.
My favorite is what I like to refer as the Sleeper: we first try the Dancer and after a round or two of waiting to see who wins the "politest motorist on the road" award for the day, I tilt my head back and pretend to be asleep until the driver in questions gets the hint that it's their turn and I ain't movin'.
My father in-law calls people who are polite on the road friend of the people. I love names.
Whew. I need to go buy work clothes with my lottery winnings... >:-/
Comments
This makes me want to drive a car.