Rinnnng, rinnnnnng.

Hi, you've reached Sarah and Todd, Sorry we can't take your call right now, and NO, we didn't have the baby yet.

In case your message is about the following, please listen closely and take note:

First, we promise we'll send you a picture of the baby's head the second it crowns and not a second later and NO, we swear we STILL don't know the gender. No seriously, we don't know. Hahaha, funny you should ask, yes, we do have a lot of neutral colored clothes but no, we're not worried about confusing the baby with all of the yellow, green and white clothes or the blue crib.

So you've heard we're having the baby at a Birthing Center AND that they don't have epidural there and commented that Sarah will regret that decision and be begging to get out of there. Hahaha, thanks for the optimism- it really shows how well you know us!! We forgot you were the ONLY person on the planet who's ever had a baby and it's there's only one way to do it. Opinion noted, sir. And what happens if something goes awry? Oh, who knows, I hear we're the first people to give birth at the Birthing Center but I'm sure we'll just figure it out when we get there... or pull someone in off the street to try and deliver the baby!

Yes, Sarah's still working and still feeling pretty good- but oh, you say that will change as soon as labor/baby screaming/midnight feedings/back birth/breeched baby/fillintheblank sets in? Super. Again, thanks for the encouragement and positive energy- we'll try to remember that when Sarah's pushing.

About the names, you ask? Yea, nothing's really jumping out at us...no, Sarah or Todd are not in the running, and no, we're not going with Baby Jeff, no matter how many times you ask, Dad. HAHAHA! The initials FUK or COK?! That's HILARIOUS!!! GREAT IDEA!!! And if we were 8th grade boys having a baby, we'd consider it.

Oh, you don't say there are suggestions out there about naturally inducing labor! We hadn't heard that nipple stimulation is a way to produce oxytocin to initiate contractions...but while we're at it, we don't really want to talk about it at the local Rite Aid while we buy a Twix bar. Not sure discussing sex to coax the baby out because of  the chemicals in Todd's semen at a field hockey game is appropriate in front of Sarah's players, but thanks. And no, your aunt Cindy's recipe for spicy Indian eggplant won't be necessary.

Oh, and the due date is May 8th- yep, the day before Mother's Day. We'll try to have the baby on your birthday/your anniversary/Cinco de Mayo/the anniversary of your first tooth coming in but *no promises* :-)

Finally, yes, we ARE keeping the cats. Yes, all three of them. And NO, we're not really worried that they'll kill the baby in his/her sleep. Something tells me that someone will magically invent something that blocks one room from another barricading our furry friends out of our bedroom and away from the crib- oh, wait, I think they're already invented...and they're called DOORS.

Did we forget anything?! Leave a message! And we'll call you back the SECOND Sarah's water breaks.

Sheesh.

;-)