They didn't teach me this in Mommy school...

Talk about on the job training. 

Maks has been home for about a week now. His first week birthday was yesterday and it all seems to be going pretty well. Todd's Uncle Todd said it best (and is probably the nicest/tear jerker email I've ever recieved from a family member):

Hey Todd,

Be prepared to be pooped, peed, puked and otherwise sneezed and spit on.  Once you are “baptised” with all these various offerings little Maksim has for you, you will truly be a father—which, by the way—is the coolest thing in the world. So don’t be nervous. Enjoy it. You're gonna loose a lot of sleep for a long while—so will Sarah. Just remember, she’s got a lot more work to do than you (nursing, etc), so go with the flow. (She da boss.) You also have 2 grandmothers in waiting, so go with their advice when questions pop up. Your mom has tons of experience that you to rely on. Your pediatrician will also be a great help. But it all comes down to common sense. You will know what to do and how to do it when things arise. Having a baby is truly the best thing in life that will ever happen to you.

As Maks grows, he will become your little shadow. He’ll want to be with you every second of the day- which will sometimes frustrate you and you’ll say, “gee, if I could only have minutes to myself...” --but you won’t. So go with that, too.

After a while, He’ll develop his own personality and start to do his own thing, and you’re gonna miss the little shadow days. Go with the flow on that too. 

There’s no magic recipe or guide book to being a father except giving yourself unconditionally to the needs of your child. That’s really all there is to it.  Sometimes it takes a parent a long while to figure that out— some never do. But that really is the path you have to walk —give up yourself unconditionally to the needs of your child. If you can do that, you’ll become the happiest father in the world and raise the best son the world will ever know. 

So there you have it—my sagely advice. (that and a buck might  get you a cup of joe at Dunkin’s). The best years of your life have now begun. You have a son—how cool is that!

Good, right? 

So title of the blog point: things they don't teach you in Mommy School. 

1. Have a new born boy? Just recently circumcised? Point the penis DOWN in the diaper. 

Two or three days have come and gone and my little bundle of joy has peed on Todd and I each at least twice a day. I couldn't figure it out. I'm putting the diaper on correctly, it's the right size...there's nothing wrong with Maks's equipment as far as we know...but then I got to thinking. Due to the big C, we're caking on A&D ointment until his wound heals. This could be the culprit for the diaper not being as absorbent...but there's more. On a hunch, I said to Todd, "Hey, since we're getting squirted out of the TOP of his diaper, maybe we should point his penis down."

Todd (without a SECOND of time elapsing): "Yea, that's how  most men do it." 

Me (internal thoughts): Um, Dad, I don't have the equipment...would've been nice if you used your penis expertise (being that your the one in this relationship who HAS that equipment) to enlighten us a little sooner. I only can pee in ONE direction. ONE. Would've saved us ten baby suits and four tee shirts. 

Me (out loud): I'm glad we figured this out *smile sweetly at loving husband*

2. As in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Windex is a cure all.

And by Windex I mean breast milk. 

Sore nipples? Let breast milk air dry- a few days of this fixes the situation.

Scab on your son's head after the vacuum? Let the breast milk dry on top. Heals it more quickly than Neosporin AND doesn't leave an oily mess.

Son's tear ducts blocked? Again, breast milk. 

This is all for now. I'm CERTAIN there are plenty of things I'm going to come across with Todd and Maks that was NOT taught in baby school. 

Oy vey.