"Symptomless."

Yoga Fit level 2 training was this past weekend. I spend 18 hours learning 20+ new positions to teach in class as well as working on communication and self talk. I was apprehensive going into the weekend knowing I'm 9 weeks pregnant since some poses are off limits for women who are with child. Since I'm in my first trimester, Taj, our instructor really didn't limit me from doing anything. In fact, I even did my first headstand, albeit up against a wall. It's SO much easier than I thought.

We spent a majority of the weekend talking about self-talk and how destructive it can be. We had to make a list of things we didn't like about ourselves and very early in the weekend tell a complete stranger that "my legs and butt are so much bigger than I want them to be" and "although I know I'm developing strength in my arms, I can't really see it through the layer of fat I've piled on after 12 years of drinking beer and eating chips and dip" and "I can't wait until I'm "allowed" to have a big, fat belly and not be worried about it because it's a baby." The list went on.

I felt like such a jerk saying it out loud. It seemed trivial.

Taj reminded us how poorly we treat ourselves. If a friend came to us and said those same things how differently we'd react by saying something along the lines of, "You're nuts! I love your arms/thighs/butt! You look awesome in that dress." etc.

I'm taking it as an opportunity to try and treat myself better. I like treats.

Fast forward to today. I was doing some yoga this morning in my bedroom before I got ready for work. I'm careful to take care of my newly-pregnant body and although I can still get up into a wheel, it probably isn't the safest thing to do unsupervised. I did it anyway. But then my thoughts started to eat away at my brain and all day (it's 1:28pm now) I've been upset about having relatively few pregnancy side effects. Did the wheel or headstand disrupt Fancy's growth? Where is Fancy? Why haven't I felt ANYTHING?

I've been considered a "lucky one." No morning sickness- only slight nausea when I'm hungry. My breasts aren't huge, just a little fuller. I've been obsessing over it all day. Texting Jackie. Being mad at Lauren (probably unbeknownst to her) for not accepting my blackberry messenger request. I didn't want to scare Todd because I've been the cool and collected one for the most part so I down played my feelings...and then I started crying at my desk because I haven't heard a peep from my baby (which is now a fetus, no longer an embryo and the size of a medium sized green olive, by the way.)

Regan walked me off the ledge a little:

Regan: get used to it

everyones body responds differently

your baby is probably too awesome to have time for sickness

or too nice to make you sickly

me: or maybe my body felt the effects of so many hangovers in the past that pregnancy is a treat

And then the tears really started to get out of control. No ugly cry face, no sobbing, just tears. And a lot of them.

And then it hit me...crying at my desk...is most CERTAINLY a symptom.

I'd still like a Fancy kick or sympathy barf or something of course.

Todd's favorite baby name this week: Pele.

Mine: Taj or something cute and hip like that (please check that lady's abs. Killer.)