Yoga and Nutrition

Yo, dudes. This is my month 11 journal for my yoga teacher training. It's long, but I wasn't interested in cutting and pasting.

There are also a few typos- and it jumps around a little. And I talk about me. A lot.

Cheers and read if you're interested!

As per usual, the topic at hand for the month is timed well for me. Being nine months pregnant has made me very uncomfortable with my weight gain. Most times when I’m feeling crappy (physically or emotionally) it’s easiest just to eat something to feel better- and that’s gotten me into a vicious cycle. I think I’m feeling blue about the weight gain because I was doing so well right before I got pregnant. I was on a diet high in protein, veggies, and beans and legumes- and little to no white foods (except at a birthday party here or there…I like cake J) Getting pregnant means the craving for bad carbs were ignited and I used the excuse that “my body needed them” to rationalize all of the junk I was putting into it. I’m up to about 40ish pounds gained and I don’t feel well. I know our bodies do what they need to do when we’re in these phases of our lives however, I think I was taking advantage of eating for two.

In the Yoga of Eating – and just as in every other aspect of study- I’m really excited to find that there isn’t a cure-all for anything we do. The ‘go hard or go home’ doesn’t work for real-life integration and real change anyway. Everything needs to be in balance to make real, lasting change. I’ve been practicing taking time and being present and thoughtful when I shop for food, cook, and eat and to be present and eat lovingly. It’s been really good timing too- I’ve been shopping for my groceries online and since my willpower to stick to my list is lacking I’m able to only buy what I need for the week AND make better choice. I’m tempted MUCH, much less to make impulse buys Doritos or white foods from the bakery. Although it can be challenging to plan, I’m saving money and I’m staying out of the store. It’s worth the cost of delivery.

Throughout this year, I’ve been paying attention to the energy in and surrounding things in life. It’s easier to see and feel- and better yet act- when things don’t feel right. Our instincts are good and using the self a barometer for action and change is good.

As I’ve said, I’ve felt pretty crappy about myself recently. I know weight gain is inevitable but I haven’t been feeling good about it. I’m getting pains, heart burn, difficulty breathing, really low energy, I’m bloated, and I’m sluggish. I know that most people would look at this list and tell me to relax and that I’m 35 weeks pregnant- I’m supposed to feel all of those things. But I can’t seem to shake the idea that there’s NO WAY I’m should feel this zapped. My first pregnancy was a BREEZE. I felt great, I worked out vigorously the whole time and I gained only 28 pounds. Now- I KNOW that my greater weight gain was because I was at a MUCH lower starting weight- somewhere between ten and fifteen pounds lower. I also know that maybe this is the weight where my body needs to be, but since I’m not eating like a model citizen there isn’t something I could be doing better.

I’m experimenting this week with food- since I’m feeling pretty good- I’m eating similar to how I was before I found out I was pregnant. Lots of fruits and veggies, beans, meats, and if I feel like I need them, multigrain breads or other things that might help supplement a more balanced diet. And TONS and TONS of water. I already feel better, less bloated, and more regular.

In retrospect, I think I was overeating and reverting back to old habits because I was given a license to since I was “eating for two.” I know I could’ve done a better job. I really liked the part in the Yoga of Eating and the talks about Karma: when we buy/do/live certain things/ways, what are we saying yes to? I was saying yes to good things like fruits and veggies and the like but also to pastries, candy, white breads and things that I knew doesn’t really fit into a balanced and healthy diet. I could take this farther and consider what else I was saying yes to- from poor harvesting, fruits shipped from across the country, to heart burn to all of those things.

The hardest part about eating well is the preparation. Just with everything else, it takes time, planning and slow, gradual change for it to work. My changed diet worked before because I got into a habit and routine- I bought certain things and planned. It worked. Discipline is challenging but the payoff is great.

So I was talking with my field hockey team the other day- I’m making a captains’ training mandatory for anyone who wants to be nominated for the job- and we were talking about living a life of falsehoods and conflict and truthfulness. With each topic we discussed that people don’t choose to lie, cheat, steal, etc because they want to be liars, cheaters, or thieves. Instead, it’s motivated by something else. They cheat due to unrealistic expectations and lack of preparation and so on. Same has to go for eating- at least for myself. Sure- there are sometimes when I want to slightly overindulge. But to feel sick from eating? To gain weight from eating? I never sign up for that part. In the Yoga of Eating Eisenstein discusses that we’re too busy and don’t focus on eating and digestion and what’s actually happening to our bodies. We don’t pay attention to what’s on our plate, shovel it in- likely over conversation, have second helping because we haven’t noticed we’re full and then transplant ourselves right to the couch to become submersed in television. We don’t notice what we’re doing. We aren’t present in the experience. So we over eat, gain weight, have heartburn and all sorts of other negative problems. So more presence. More balance.

This is hard, too- I still have that nagging tendency to jam as much fun into my day as possible. So if I’m sitting and enjoying but consider that a burden (to slowly eat and enjoy food because it’s keeping me from doing a hundred other things) then I need to reframe it. I had an epiphany yesterday- that has nothing to do with food- but maybe it’ll help me come up with a good way to reframe eating. I’ve been annoyed with my husband since we’ve moved in together- he only does 90% of his household jobs- if he takes out the trash, doesn’t put the bag in, scoops the cat litter- overfills it and it gets all over. Empties the cat water bowl when a few kibbles get in the bowl- doesn’t take those lone kibbles out of the sink. I thought about this long and hard- seven long years- and realized I’m not going to change him. BUT! Then I realized that I’m the jerk- and I better not screw this up. He does all of this awesome stuff around the house for me- he’s like the starting pitcher. I’m the closer- sometimes I only have to throw three pitches to get the win- and sure- sometimes I’ll have to throw 25 pitches, send us into extra innings and earn the loss…but most times- game over, chores done. So similarly- maybe I can make this fun and reframe eating so I’m more present. I haven’t quite figured out how yet. Hopefully it won’t take seven years of being annoyed either.

What’s nice about living in balance is that we have the chance to listen to our bodies. We don’t need to live by strict, fad diets. Instead, if we feel our bodies craving oranges for a few days it’s more important to listen to those needs. Sometimes I get in bad habits of “punishing” myself if I’ve gone off the wagon for a few days or even weeks. I’ll talk pretty poorly to myself and just feel bad about enjoying the food- even if it’s not good for me.

I really enjoyed Dr. Terry Wahls’ TED talk about nutrition. She was wheelchair bound from the effects of Multiple Sclerosis and by eating for her body’s needs- more whole foods and no processed foods- she’s now able to walk, run, and ride a bike. This also reminds me of other people who, through the power of their diet and an exercise program, have been able to stop taking various medicines that they once “needed” to survive. I don’t like it any time a doctor prescribes pills without counseling or lifestyle management skills. We have so many natural resources to draw on- and of course, it takes planning and work. Neither are easy but over time are manageable.

Since I’ve been getting the groceries delivered, the fruits and veggies from my grocery order have been a craps shoot- so I’ve been relying on a local famer’s market- Wolffs- to buy my fruits and veggies. Just like any other store, whatever is out of season is really expensive- but whatever is in season- and they have an abundance of- they want to MOVE- so it’s priced to sell. Until last week, I’ve never had a grapefruit- but then I saw the 6 for $1.25 sign and I got a few. I’m not in love with them- but I get filled up and they are cheap. I also really like what Wolffs does- whatever they have left over they usually use that to make soups or salsas so they’re using  what they have on hand to make really great specials. Often, they’re a little more expensive but it’s nice to know that they aren’t being wasteful. And it makes me feel good- I suppose this is what I was referring to earlier with karma- I’m saying yes to using our resources, eating what’s in season, buying local, and saving money.

From when I was little eating wasn’t ever a focus of my mom’s house. Although we ate every night together, mom bought what was cheap and easy to make. I can’t blame her- three kids- single mom- processed foods like store made chicken patties and hot dogs and mac and cheese might be something I’d turn to as well. I remember my favorites would be when she would make stew from scratch- you could taste the love in those dishes. I think the feeling I have about this is sympathy- I know mom was doing the best with what she had but I want more than that for me and mine. I could make us easy packaged foods but just looking at the “chicken” is a turn off. When I first moved in with my husband, we ate dinner on TV trays in front of the TV every night and watched Sports Center or whatever- now, it’s become important to me to eat at the table, talk about the day, wait until everyone is done and really try and enjoy the experience. I know we’re not perfect- and some nights dinner is much better than others but I’m enjoying using the local tools that I have to make things better for me and my family. Fun story to close- my kid and ¾ of an avocado this morning- super cute. He got half way done his half and said, “more, more, more cado!”