I made a Lactation Consultant drool. Well, my baby did but it's because of me. Don't mind me while I pat myself on the back, peeps. I need to take what I can get!
Maks accompanied me to my six week postpartum check up and while I got an internal and had the breast check, Patty the LC held Maks.
I was a little nervous about this. The few interactions I've had with LCs I've been really disappointed. The first was nothing short of terrifying. I was a mom for exactly fifteen hours and spent the entire night up with my newborn feeding him, rocking him, watching TV with him, singing, talking, whatever. Seven AM rolled around and Todd was starting to wake up. I read about all of the benefits of skin to skin contact with Dad shortly after birth so I demanded that he saddle up- Maks started to fuss a little and squirm and then straight cried.
ENTER TERRY, the LC. "What's happening here are very aggressive feeding cues, you need to FEED YOUR BABY NOW!!!"
Me: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? HELLO LADY, WELCOME TO MY ROOM, NICE TO SEE YOU AT SEVEN AM. LET ME GIVE YOU A RUN DOWN OF THE LAST EIGHT HOURS BEFORE YOU START BARKING ORDERS AND MAKING ASSUMPTIONS OF WHAT I HAVE OR HAVE NOT BEEN DOING. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT BEFORE I SLAP YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. DUCKSWORTH.
I owned her.
...OK, here's what I really said:
Me: Uhhh, ok, sorry, Todd, give me Maks. (tail between legs.)
No offense, LCs, but you are very serious, militant type ladies in my experience. I know you are a wealth of knowledge and you mean well. But please, get a background and validate my story before dismissing me because "I couldn't possibly have a clue." Sure, typically people may not scour the Internets for EVERYTHING on a topic and buy every book under five dollars on half.com on a subject...but I do. So make like ONYX in 1993 and BACDAFUCUP.
Anyway, back to today.
Nancy came back into the room holding my BB and said, "How much does this little fella weigh?"
Me: Eleven pounds fourteen ounces.
N: No way, he's got to be about fourteen or fifteen pounds.
Me: Nope, he was weighed yesterday.
N (with CREEPY sparkle in her eye): he's getting that cream, isn't he? (eye brow raise, wink.)
Me: Uhhh, yeaaaaa.
You know those people who get off when others do a job well? I think that's what happened here and I'm taking it as a compliment since LCs (in my experience) only have two emotions: Soup Nazis and Creepy Creamers.
It does sort of make me want to learn to become a LC to help peeps...does one have to be a nurse to do such a thing?
Maks accompanied me to my six week postpartum check up and while I got an internal and had the breast check, Patty the LC held Maks.
I was a little nervous about this. The few interactions I've had with LCs I've been really disappointed. The first was nothing short of terrifying. I was a mom for exactly fifteen hours and spent the entire night up with my newborn feeding him, rocking him, watching TV with him, singing, talking, whatever. Seven AM rolled around and Todd was starting to wake up. I read about all of the benefits of skin to skin contact with Dad shortly after birth so I demanded that he saddle up- Maks started to fuss a little and squirm and then straight cried.
ENTER TERRY, the LC. "What's happening here are very aggressive feeding cues, you need to FEED YOUR BABY NOW!!!"
Me: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? HELLO LADY, WELCOME TO MY ROOM, NICE TO SEE YOU AT SEVEN AM. LET ME GIVE YOU A RUN DOWN OF THE LAST EIGHT HOURS BEFORE YOU START BARKING ORDERS AND MAKING ASSUMPTIONS OF WHAT I HAVE OR HAVE NOT BEEN DOING. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT BEFORE I SLAP YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. DUCKSWORTH.
I owned her.
...OK, here's what I really said:
Me: Uhhh, ok, sorry, Todd, give me Maks. (tail between legs.)
No offense, LCs, but you are very serious, militant type ladies in my experience. I know you are a wealth of knowledge and you mean well. But please, get a background and validate my story before dismissing me because "I couldn't possibly have a clue." Sure, typically people may not scour the Internets for EVERYTHING on a topic and buy every book under five dollars on half.com on a subject...but I do. So make like ONYX in 1993 and BACDAFUCUP.
Anyway, back to today.
Nancy came back into the room holding my BB and said, "How much does this little fella weigh?"
Me: Eleven pounds fourteen ounces.
N: No way, he's got to be about fourteen or fifteen pounds.
Me: Nope, he was weighed yesterday.
N (with CREEPY sparkle in her eye): he's getting that cream, isn't he? (eye brow raise, wink.)
Me: Uhhh, yeaaaaa.
You know those people who get off when others do a job well? I think that's what happened here and I'm taking it as a compliment since LCs (in my experience) only have two emotions: Soup Nazis and Creepy Creamers.
It does sort of make me want to learn to become a LC to help peeps...does one have to be a nurse to do such a thing?
Comments
you would be a fabulous LC, still thinking back to when you taught me how to play laX sr year - patient enough because i'm a pain in the ass, but assertive enough to get your point across. i don't know what you need to do to become an LC, but you could definitely do it - good luck!
I also agree you would make an excellent LC.